Eye Opener

I guess Matt and I got a little ahead of our selves by telling people about the baby we are expecting. As of June 28, 12 weeks along, the doctor could not find a heartbeat but she said she wanted to make sure; so she sent us down to imaging to get an official ultrasound and have the radiologist check. The baby did not make it past 9 weeks. We could see a head and limbs but he or she never had a heartbeat.

I have been devastated about it because I thought it would never happen to me. I was really naive. I thought it would be just like my first pregnancy and everything would go normal. I guess I should have never assumed it would be fine. I now know how a few of my friends have felt recently. We are just waiting now to see if my body will miscarry on its own or if I need to have a D&C done. Either way it is hard to deal with. I would never wish this on any one.

I feel like I lost a child that I have known for years. Who would have thought carrying a child for only 12 weeks would have made me so attached? I loved this child as much as I love Matthew and know I will have my chance to raise him or her someday in heaven.

I am scared and very sad but we will make it through this. I think I am still in shock but writing about makes me feel better. I guess it is the journalist in me. I just know that everything will work out in the end. I have already been blessed with a beautiful little boy who loves me and I love him.

Quick Update

I wanted to give everyone a quick update on how our family is doing. We achieved our goal in May of attending the temple every week. It was amazing and I love the feeling I get when I am there. Unfortunately, we have not been able to keep going every week. With being out of town and being sick it just has not been possible.

As for my getting in shape goal, I am going to have to put it on hold. Most of you know already that I am pregnant. I have been trying to walk with our new dog when I am not throwing up. I have even had to ask for prescription strength nausea medicine to keep me from being too sick.

I was able to visit my family over Father's Day but glad to come home.  We went boating and just spent time together as a family. I was also able to attend a good friends 50th birthday bash while I was home.

The worst part of our summer so far is that the majority of our friends have left for the summer. One of the couples we spend time with the most moved to Alaska and have no idea when they will be coming back. Our other friends should all be back at the end of the summer.

We are just planning on fishing and camping all summer. Everyone is invited to join us. I am hoping this will be a relaxing summer before we go from a family of three to a family of four.

I will keep everyone updated on the baby front. We will not find out what the sex is for a few more months but we are definitely find out. I am not patient enough to wait.